Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize