who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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