i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
