So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
