woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
