when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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