i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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