I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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