I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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