I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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