Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And then he peed in my hair
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