if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
