I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
