I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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