I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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