You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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