i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
