Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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