she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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