Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
