Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
