You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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