"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
