evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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