her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
