i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
