haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
