Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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