i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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