We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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