reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
