Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
