You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize