Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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