I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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