Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
