how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
