no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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