So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
