I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
