Soap is not a condiment
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
