He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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