So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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