I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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