ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
