dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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