You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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