Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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