she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
