i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
