She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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