Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There are leaves in my underwear?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
