I smell stomach acid.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
