If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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