I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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