You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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