people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
