woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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