thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
