i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize