I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sorry about my life...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
