there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
