wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
