a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
