i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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