I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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