All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
