go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
