member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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