Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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