im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
