I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
