I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
