And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
