I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
we're so committed to being not committed
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
