how can u be prego again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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