dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
