hotel room ftw
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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