I wish you could order shots online.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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