Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize