We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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