i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no, he came in my armpit
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
