Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
